1 "Most people have something they struggle with"
True, most people do have something they're struggling with, but telling it to someone who's trying to tell you that their struggle in particular feels worse than normal, belittles their struggles and makes them feel like you don't take it seriously.
2 "I know someone with the same illness as you, so I know all about how it works"
That too is something I've heard quite a lot in the recent years. Instead of asking how the mentioned illness works for the individual, people draw on their past experiences. Mental illness comes in a very broad spectrum of varieties, and they work differently for everyone. You can pair up two people with the exact same diagnoses, and they will be affected by those diagnoses in completely different ways.
Don't ever think that because you know someone who has a certain mental illness, you are suddenly an expert. Always ask the person in question how it affects them, and if there's anything you should be aware of.
3 "Life is hard for everyone"
Sure, life is hard for everyone, but is it so hard to imagine that it might be a little harder for some than others at times? And yes, there are children starving and people in wars, and life is hard for them too. But again, reminding someone who's trying to be open about how life sucks for them, that their struggles aren't so bad, really isn't helping much, and might keep them from trying to open up again in the future.
4 "Have you tried going outside more?"
Ah yes, the dreaded "have you tried..." Sure, when you are in a state of mind where simply dragging yourself out of bed is an impossible task, not mention things like basic hygiene and eating, what you need is a reminder of all the things you should do to get better, because it's your own fault you're not doing better than you are... Or not!
Most, maybe not all, but I do believe that most people with mental illnesses really are trying. I know it might not show, and it might seem like some of us are doing little to nothing, but believe me, if we stopped trying, you'd notice it very quickly.
The reason I'm writing this is because I have schizophrenia. It's no secret, I'm open about it, although I sometimes wait to tell someone until it becomes releveant.
What often seems to happen to me, though, is that while people are quick to say "hey isn't it that thing where people hear voices and get paranoia?" they forget about the other things.
Not all schizophrenics see pink bunnies jumping on the ceiling, or have voices telling them to stab family members in their sleep.
I don't hallucinate, I don't see things that aren't there, I don't get paranoid thoughts, and I don't think I'm the 3rd reincarnation of the king of Jupiter. Those are calles positive symptoms, by the way.
I do have negative symtpoms, meanig they steal things from my personality. They cause things like lack of initiative, lack of ability to think fast, fatigue, apathy, confusion, and inability to multitask or focus for long.
Negative symptoms are, in my experience, almost more difficult to deal with when it comes to other people. When you tell them about things that aren't part of the "norm", like, seeing giant spiders everywhere or hearing voices, they understand that it's part of the illness and not your fault (unless you are, for some reason, not taking your meds. In that case, they're not always as forgiving)
But, if you tell them that "Hey, my brain doesn't work very fast anymore and I get easily confused/insecure/unfocused", they'll tell you to try harder or to train it somehow.
Some people will see it as an annoyance, some even think you're playing dumb. Some will just act like you're not trying at all, despite me telling them you're doing your best.
It hurts when people act like this, and it has cost me quite a few friendships over the years.
I used to act like that too, back when I was young and thought I knew everything. But, after realising I myself was sick, and I started to get help, I managed to turn that train of thought around.
Most people with mental illnesses don't grow out of their illness, they simply learn how to hide the symptoms. We shouldn't have to, but still today, in 2017, it sometimes feels like there is no room to be different, unless you're the right kind of different. The "as seen on TV" kind of different.
So please, to anyone who reads this; Please please PLEASE, be kind to those around you who struggle. Ask questions instead of making conclusions. Allow them to be open to you rather than shutting them down. And please, never expect someone to function "normally" based on your perceptions of normal.
Sure, life is hard for everyone, but is it so hard to imagine that it might be a little harder for some than others at times? And yes, there are children starving and people in wars, and life is hard for them too. But again, reminding someone who's trying to be open about how life sucks for them, that their struggles aren't so bad, really isn't helping much, and might keep them from trying to open up again in the future.
4 "Have you tried going outside more?"
Ah yes, the dreaded "have you tried..." Sure, when you are in a state of mind where simply dragging yourself out of bed is an impossible task, not mention things like basic hygiene and eating, what you need is a reminder of all the things you should do to get better, because it's your own fault you're not doing better than you are... Or not!
Most, maybe not all, but I do believe that most people with mental illnesses really are trying. I know it might not show, and it might seem like some of us are doing little to nothing, but believe me, if we stopped trying, you'd notice it very quickly.
The reason I'm writing this is because I have schizophrenia. It's no secret, I'm open about it, although I sometimes wait to tell someone until it becomes releveant.
What often seems to happen to me, though, is that while people are quick to say "hey isn't it that thing where people hear voices and get paranoia?" they forget about the other things.
Not all schizophrenics see pink bunnies jumping on the ceiling, or have voices telling them to stab family members in their sleep.
I don't hallucinate, I don't see things that aren't there, I don't get paranoid thoughts, and I don't think I'm the 3rd reincarnation of the king of Jupiter. Those are calles positive symptoms, by the way.
I do have negative symtpoms, meanig they steal things from my personality. They cause things like lack of initiative, lack of ability to think fast, fatigue, apathy, confusion, and inability to multitask or focus for long.
Negative symptoms are, in my experience, almost more difficult to deal with when it comes to other people. When you tell them about things that aren't part of the "norm", like, seeing giant spiders everywhere or hearing voices, they understand that it's part of the illness and not your fault (unless you are, for some reason, not taking your meds. In that case, they're not always as forgiving)
But, if you tell them that "Hey, my brain doesn't work very fast anymore and I get easily confused/insecure/unfocused", they'll tell you to try harder or to train it somehow.
Some people will see it as an annoyance, some even think you're playing dumb. Some will just act like you're not trying at all, despite me telling them you're doing your best.
It hurts when people act like this, and it has cost me quite a few friendships over the years.
I used to act like that too, back when I was young and thought I knew everything. But, after realising I myself was sick, and I started to get help, I managed to turn that train of thought around.
Most people with mental illnesses don't grow out of their illness, they simply learn how to hide the symptoms. We shouldn't have to, but still today, in 2017, it sometimes feels like there is no room to be different, unless you're the right kind of different. The "as seen on TV" kind of different.
So please, to anyone who reads this; Please please PLEASE, be kind to those around you who struggle. Ask questions instead of making conclusions. Allow them to be open to you rather than shutting them down. And please, never expect someone to function "normally" based on your perceptions of normal.
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