I've come to realise over the years that while I love all my friends in their own unique way, I have different ways of trusting and communicating with them all.
There are some friends I almost exclusively communicate with through memes and funny pictures, while there are others I only talk to trough skype. Some want in-depth conversations while others prefer to keep it light and superficial.
Some dare to fart in front of me, which I take as a sign of trust, while others like to pretend their butts don't exist.
I can personally not fathom how someone can spend time with another person for more than four hours without having to pass gass, but maybe they sneak one out now and then. I don't know, and I don't judge.
Some people only want to talk about specific topics, some only go deep when we're outside or it's really late, while others prefer it somewhere inbetween, or even light, depending on their moods.
Some friends have stuck with me through thick and thin, while others came along the way. Some, I talk to in real life, while others I only know through the internet.
The ones on the internet are not less special and loved than the ones in real life, though.
My way of making friends has shifted also. I used to participate in a lot of activities like painting and acting, and also to go to school, all of which makes you interact with a lot of people whether you want to or not.
Now, I more or less drift through life.
Some people are like dogs, eager to meet you and trust you easily, while others are like cats, needing you to earn their trust before they let you in.
Personally, I'm sort of a catdog. While I seems like I trust a person quite quickly, it can take years before they earn enough trust-points to see the real me, and some will never know things about me that others I've known shorter might know.
I have to admit I've grown shy over the years, and thus less able to make friends, although it never came quickly to me. I'm always the last person to join cliques, and usually end up in the 'outcast' clique. Not that I mind, those are usually where I meet the most unique and interesting characters.
No matter how shy I get, though, I always seem to find people who take a liking to me, and I accept them with (mostly) open arms.
Internet forums are also a great way for me to make friends, and I've met some of my (many) best friends through there.
I've always envied those who were able to make a lot of friends quickly, but I can't help but wonder if they love and value their friends as much as one with fewer friends does.
Friends have come and gone, but some have stuck with me through my worst times, turning a blind eye to all my silly and cringy mistakes. I will always feel a special kind of (friendly) love towards those kinds of friends.
Some scientists say the brain can only keep track of 150 relationships at a time, but I think that's bullshit. While I do not at all claim to have that many friends, exept maybe on facebook, I certainly have a lot of people I will never ever forget.
When I said I love and value all my friends, I really meant it. I might not always be good at showing it, and the longer I haven't spoken to someone, the harder it is for me to dare to pick up contact again, due to the fear that they'll turn me down for not having been a good enough friend.
But know this. Once you're my friend, I don't stop thinking about you. I don't care if we haven't spoken for five, ten, or even fifteen years. I'll still wonder where they are in life, how they're doing, and if they remember our friendship the same way I did.
Once I let someone into my heart, there's no leaving. I can't let go, I'm just not that kind of person.
No comments:
Post a Comment